Why I ♥ William T. Riker

A few of Mike's friends were over tonight and we were all talking Star Trek (and FYI, I was the LEAST geeky person in the room). The subject of replicated food versus real food came up, and it was suggested that Riker is a terrible cook. (The so-called evidence for this is in the TNG episode where he cooks scrambled 'Owon eggs for the crew and no one likes them except for Worf.) Not only is this assertion false, but it obfuscates the reason that no one likes the 'Owon eggs: the eggs themselves have a strange flavour; it has nothing to do with Riker's culinary skills. In fact, Riker's cooking is one of his assets.

"Number One"

Why Riker Rocks (in no particular order)

1. He's tall. So damn tall that he always walks down the corridors of the Enterprise, and the ramp on the bridge, with an absurd tilt.
   
2. He's one of the very few men who looks better with facial hair. He probably has more hair in his virile beard than Picard does on his entire head.
   
3. He plays jazz trombone. (As a side note, Jonathan Frakes plays in real life.)
   
4. He can cook. In the 24th century, where everyone has food replicators, this is no mean feat. He was self-sufficient since the age of 15!
5. He's Alaskan.
6. When Troi was all permed and crazy about him in pilot episode "Encounter at Farpoint", he shot her down TWICE. Muhahaha.
7. He's friendly and outgoing like Laforge, but unlike the engineer, he CAN get a date(s).
8. Females of many different species are attracted to him. Even an androgynous person loves him (and unfortunately is punished because that species is not allowed to be involved with gendered beings). ("The Outcast")
   
9. He is unbeatable at poker.
   
10. He is probably the best pilot on the Enterprise.

Star Trek: A Response (spoilers)

For the record, I am NOT a Trekkie. Far from it. Yes, I watched it twice already and yes, I teared up at the beginning again when Kirk dies, and yes, I still think that the two leading men are hot stuff. The second time around, I didn't notice Nurse Chapel (sorry!) but I did catch Uhura's first name when Spock muttered it.

One thing's for sure: I sure DO want those cute Starfleet outfits. I would rock that shit hardcore!

Now,the nitty-gritty:

1. Uhura/Spock.
Absolutely 100% spot-on with this one. I think that we were both like "nuh-uh-shut that down!" during the movie. AS IF! I can understand Uhura pining for Spock - what normal female wouldn't? But for those feelings to be reciprocated AND acted upon by Spock? NOOOOOOO. Especially not with his hand on her tushie!

2. Spock shows Scotty the equation that future Scotty invents. Yes, I know there is precedence for this flagrant timeline pollution, but coming from Spock?
Why not coming from Spock? Not only is he a genius, but he's also from an alternate reality where the equation may be as well-known to engineers as pie crust recipes are to pastry chefs. Haha. Shit. And he's saving "the only planet he's got left" (Earth) so who cares?

3. Sulu says he is trained in "fencing" but instead busts out some martial arts moves on the drill. Maybe he wanted to surprise Kirk with his skillz.
IMHO, this was not an improbable scenario. Well, he did use a big sword. The dude's Azn--- whaddya know, he's well-versed in martial arts! He can probably play a kickass game of MJ too - no KFC, of course.

4. Kirk is promoted from CADET to CAPTAIN. Of the Enterprise, the Starfleet flagship. Fine, so he helped destroy Nero et. al. and save Earth. What happened to giving people medals?
I would say that due the fact that Captain Pike bestowed him with the honour of First Commander to Spock's Captain, especially when he wasn't even supposed to be on the ship at all says something about his faith in Kirk's capabilities. And, he kicked ass both on Spock's simulation test *and* kicked some Romulan ass while in charge, more that proves that he is worthy of the title. Besides, Pike is in a wheelchair at the end of the movie anyway so why wouldn't Kirk continue on as Captain? Spock is too busy making sweet love to Uhura to be of any use as captain.

5. My fave: Spock knows where the Federation outpost on the ice planet is, but instead of heading straight to it to ask for help when Nero leaves him there to watch Vulcan implode, he decides to hide out in a cave. WHY, SPOCK, WHY.
Why? Because dude just watched his planet get destroyed, while he was powerless to do anything about it. He was clearly emotionally compromised and took advantage of his human capacity to mourn, moping around in the cave. Who knows if he was really living there for a long time? He could have ran in there for shelter from the snow and wind. Possibly, he was hiding out from that garguantuan crustacean-looking beast that was after Kirk. Of course, he could also have been waiting for that young piece of ass to come running in, seeking refuge from that crustacean beast. Or, he could have been taking a nap.... do Vulcans even sleep?

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Listening to: The Presets- Kitty in the Middle

A few nitpicks about the Star Trek movie (spoilers!)

Sigh. So many things are wrong with the new Star Trek movie. La bohème, who is a fledgling Trekker, has watched it twice now. I wonder what she has to say about it.

Five 'illogical' (or at the very least, highly improbable) moments

1. Uhura/Spock. No. In the original series, I can buy it, but not here.
2. Spock shows Scotty the equation that future Scotty invents. Yes, I know there is precedence for this flagrant timeline pollution, but coming from Spock?
3. Sulu says he is trained in "fencing" but instead busts out some martial arts moves on the drill. Maybe he wanted to surprise Kirk with his skillz.
4. Kirk is promoted from CADET to CAPTAIN. Of the Enterprise, the Starfleet flagship. Fine, so he helped destroy Nero et. al. and save Earth. What happened to giving people medals?
5. My fave: Spock knows where the Federation outpost on the ice planet is, but instead of heading straight to it to ask for help when Nero leaves him there to watch Vulcan implode, he decides to hide out in a cave. WHY, SPOCK, WHY.

Honourable mention: Where was Nero hiding for 25 years? (Actually, this is answered in cut scenes. But as is, the movie has a huge loophole in this respect.)

No more naked fencing

Over the last few weeks, I read a few articles stating that John Cho accepted the part of Hikaru Sulu in the new Star Trek movie because of its masculinity. I couldn't fathom what he meant, but after seeing the movie, I totally get it. Cho must have recognised the dearth of manly roles for Asians in Star Trek. It's funny, because ST has been gutsy and even groundbreaking in many other aspects. Kirk/Uhura shared the first interracial kiss on TV, TNG had an interesting episode on an androgynous species (i.e., definitely a metaphor for homosexuality if you watch the ep), and Data went places you never thought an android could go.

But the hard truth is this: the Asian (East and South Asian) male in Star Trek is always a nerd. Look at the classic Sulu fencing scene. Later incarnations of ST didn't improve things for Asian guys. First, we have Voyager's Harry Kim. He's a big nerd with girlfriend problems. The problem being that he has no gf, because blond Tom Paris gets the ladies. Then, we have DS9's Julian Bashir, who's both a nerd and annoying, AND has an artificially enhanced intellect to boot! And oh yeah, he also has little luck with the ladies.

According to Star Trek, in the future, humanity has rid itself of illness, poverty, war, and a lot of other baddies. Yet somehow Asian guys are still science nerds who can't get a date.

When Cho's Sulu tells Kirk that he's trained in fencing, it's for comic effect. I think I might have groaned a little. But it was a trick! Those sneaky screenwriters. Amazingly, this Sulu actually does get to be an action hero, killing a few Romulans and saving Kirk's ass. And to that I say qapla!